#plenty for the podcast

[waitmyturtles]

SPOILERS! The Promise, episode 9: 

Well -- I gotta give it to Khom Kongkiat/Uncle Tong. Good lord.

We get THE ONE SCENE -- FINALLY! FINALLLYYYYYYYYYYYY -- of confession. IT WAS GREAT! Determined walking! Singing was involved. Office team cheers! Kisses and kissbacks! Gigi’s TOTAL REACTION was everything. Poor Party and Khunkhao, drinking away their sorrows.

And then -- we lose Granny.

AND THEN -- Nan has to move to China for his job for a massive leadership promotion?!

WHY DOES UNCLE TONG GIVETH AND TAKETH AWAY?!

So what are we left with at the end of episode 9:

1) Nan is able to bring Phu back to Bangkok after Phu’s mourning period in Chiang Mai. But Nan hasn’t told Phu yet about the China job assignment, or about Khunkhao being Phu’s brother,

2) But GIGI spills the beans (PUN INTENDED) to Phu about the China assignment,

3) Khunkhao shows up at Devonte to try to grab Nan AGAIN and make HIS confession, but

4) Nan hasn’t told KHUNKHAO yet about Khunkhao being Phu’s brother.

While in Chiang Mai, Phu says: “I have nobody left.” But Nan knows that’s not true. 

I think, I THINK, it’s up to Nan to figure out how to manage this whole China dealie while reuniting Phu and Khunkhao -- so that Phu knows he still has family that’s alive, well, and in Thailand, all so that Phu can exist without being alone again. Because even if Nan and Phu are together now, Phu would be alone if Nan left -- or at least, that’s what Phu would THINK. 

Man, Nan can’t catch a motherfucking BREAK. Phu FINALLY CONFESSES, FINALLY, and there’s still AWL this shit on Nan’s plate to manage and deal with. 

Regarding Phu’s fuckboi status: do I think that the fear of being ALONE was enough to carry Phu’s fear SO deep into the series? No. I wish this happened earlier. I wish it hadn’t been motivated at the office party by Party’s warning Phu that Khunkhao was about to confess (oh, and Party getting awl messy between Nan and Khunkhao was gorgeous, just gorgeous -- Party, best guy). It was a DUDE COMPETITION that led Phu to finally fucking confess, which like -- not a good look in my part, but I SUPPOSE it did the job. I’m a little grumpy about it. Fucking Phu. But then he lost Granny and was really torn up, and it was beautifully acted, so I have a soft spot again for Phu, dammit. 

Anyway, because Khom’s filmmaking is really seriously beautiful, I wish we could have had at least one more episode of Phu and Nan being together in their gorgeous house or in Chiang Mai. I want to see more domestic bliss, more of Nan and Phu texting “I love you” to each other, because it makes sense for EVERYTHING they’ve put towards each other. The actors have WAY more than enough chemistry to make this a significant part of the series, and I’m sorry that we had to wait so long to get there, and we only have one more episode left, where a lot of shit will have to be dealt with. I’d like to enjoy some peace with these two dudes, and especially for Nan, who freaking DESERVES some peace.

AT LEAST WE FINALLY GOT THE CONFESSION. FINALLY! But it should have happened WAY earlier, and we should have seen lots more of sweet Nan with Phu in happiness.

[thevioletcaptain]

next person who perpetuates the completely fabricated anti-adjacent fandom myth that "the writers" shot down queer dean and deancas interpretations of the text and "told us we were delusional" for seeing any of it is getting blasted directly into the boötes void

[72graves]

pretty much in love with every single interpretation of john the fandom has created. arthur's shadow but distinctly his own creature? amazing. a single left hand dipped in void? beautiful. a little guy in a mask and hat? joyous. a cat? you get it. just a pair of expressive yellow eyes in the corner? wonderful. some, like, dude? awe-inspiring. a creature made of unfathomable horrors hidden behind a pale mask? let's get married.

[rookflower]

been revisiting outcast (via the wcwit podcast!) and given my main issues with the series as a whole it's frustrating to me to remember that they actually DID have a whole deal about needing to address the flaws of a status quo and set of traditional values to adapt and change it, but instead of applying this to the nightmare stagnant oppressive theocracy that is the clans it was instead a white saviour narrative about an exponentially more indigenous-coded group who are narratively presented as too incompetent to thrive (or even brainstorm literally any ideas) by themselves without outsider interference overwriting their culture

[hephaestuscrew]

"With a goddamn harpoon": The significance of Minkowski's weapon of choice within the narrative and characterisation of Wolf 359

TL;DR: Despite its initial comic role, the harpoon becomes a important symbol of Minkowski as a character; it is particularly associated with her desperate need for control, her desire to keep her crew safe, her stubborn determination, and her occasional unpredictability. These associations add to the narrative significance when Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon. 

[Tagging people who said they wanted to be tagged: @browncoatparadox @captain-lovelace @goblincaveofvibes ]

~~~

Ep21 Minkowski Commanding

First appearance 

We first encounter the harpoon in Minkowski Commanding, which is a significant episode for Minkowski's characterisation because it's the first big departure from Eiffel's point-of-view into Minkowski's. It's arguably the most Minkowski-centred episode in the whole show, so it stands out when we think about her as a character.

EIFFEL (over comm) Um, Minkowski? Why is the armory wide open, and also, apparently, robbed? Where's the tactical knives kit? MINKOWSKI Don't worry. I've got that. EIFFEL Oh. And the M4 carbine? The, like, really-dangerous-in-space, select-fire M4 carbine? MINKOWSKI Yeah, I've got that too. EIFFEL And this empty rack I'm looking at right now with a label that says "harpoon" suggests that... MINKOWSKI Yes. I have it, Eiffel.

The harpoon is introduced as part of a list of over-the-top weapons that Minkowski takes on her plant-monster-hunting mission. It's initially just a funny moment to emphasise how seriously she's taking this mission. The weapons arguably increase in unlikeliness as Eiffel lists them, and it's a comic image to think of Eiffel deducing the situation from the empty rack labeled 'harpoon'. It could have been an entirely throw-away joke that was never brought up again. The M4 carbine never comes up again. The tactical knives kit is mentioned in Knock, Knock, but not in a plot-significant or symbolic way. 

'Goddamn harpoon' speech

So why does the harpoon become such an iconic part of Minkowski's brand (and I'm pretty certain it was seen as significant by fans long before the finale)? It's got to be because of the next time it's mentioned, when Minkowski talks to the plant monster in the same episode:

MINKOWSKI (getting psyched up) You wanna play with me, huh? You wanna run rings around me? The joyless, boring, predictable old Minkowski? She can't stop you, right? Not someone as smart and powerful as you. You've got her pegged. Good. Get complacent. Get smug. That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon.

There's so much to say about this speech and what it reveals her character. For one thing, it's all projection - we have no real indication of what (if anything) the plant monster thinks of Minkowski. We don't even really know how much understanding it has when listening to her talk. She imagines that this silent adversary would call her "joyless, boring, predictable". I suspect that these are all things that she's been called a fair bit in the past. (To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they are all things that Eiffel called her at one point.)

But the harpoon is proof against - if not the accusation of joylessness - the idea that Minkowski is boring and predictable. Boring and predictable people don't opt for a harpoon for fighting on a spaceship when plenty of more conventional weapons available. A harpoon is unexpected, and there's a kind of power in that.

Another interesting thing about that speech is that the whole thing would make at least as much sense - if not more - if it was directed at Cutter. In Sarah Shachat's episode commentary on Minkowski Commanding (part of the bonus material available to buy here), she says that Minkowski "is really speaking to Cutter in this moment". It's made clear that Minkowski's behaviour in Minkowski Commanding is not just about the plant monster itself. She tells Eiffel, "I have to take it seriously! If I can eliminate one threat, just one, then we are that much closer to going home!" 

The specifics of the plant monster's location, abilities, and origin are mysterious, but - unlike many of the other forces threatening the safety of Minkowski's crew - it is at least tangible and harpoon-able and not light years away. Hunting the plant monster is a way for Minkowski to assert control when so much is outside of her control. It's an attempt to demonstrate that she is - as she puts it - "in charge of this disaster". Minkowski treats the plant monster as a physical symbol of all the threats her crew are facing, and so the harpoon becomes a physical symbol of her fierce (if sometimes misguided) determination to take control of the situation and fight back against those threats to protect her crew.

The line "you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon" is one that sticks in the mind, especially since - with one notable exception - 'goddamn' is about as potent as swearwords get on this show. And it's the harpoon that she uses to give specificity to the threat. 

Absurdity

A harpoon is powerful and threatening, which is exactly what Minkowski is trying to convey to the plant monster, but in this context - not only on dry land but on a spaceship - it's also kind of absurd. From the way we hear it fire in the finale, we can tell that it's more like a speargun than a hand-thrown harpoon spear, but it's still an out-of-place weapon for space-based combat. Minkowski's already been shown to have a penchant for archaic weaponry, after her drunken enthusiasm over the cannon during the talent show incident, which is largely played for laughs. Similarly, in the episode commentary for Minkowski Commanding, Sarah Shachat says that the harpoon was introduced mostly just because it was funny; "[including a harpoon] was me sort of embracing the Moby Dick of it all. And I had no idea at the time how much importance that silly harpoon would take on." 

Eiffel makes a Moby Dick reference himself ("10 days of Captain Ahab's Space Walkabout"). I haven't read Moby Dick so I can't properly analyse the significance of this reference, but the initial prominence of the harpoon (traditionally a whaling tool) enables that connection. It feels like a good example of the classic Wolf 359 thing where something comedic has the potential to take on a deeper significance. It conjures an image of Minkowski as a Captain with the potential to be consumed by a single-minded mission to destroy... A potential that she resists in the conclusion to Minkowski Commanding when she chooses to leave the plant monster alone. The harpoon also fits with the sprinkling of nautical imagery and language in Wolf 359 (e.g. the repeated use of the word 'boat'), as well as the retro-futuristic feel of the Hephaestus.

We never learn why there's a harpoon on the Hephaestus. It seems like yet another of those bizarre unexplained quirks of the station, like the items in the storage room where Eiffel finds Box 953. Even when the weird mysterious features of the Hephaestus are depicted in a comedic way, these features are still a demonstration of the fact that the characters are in an environment that they don't understand and that their surroundings have been shaped according to the whims of Command.

I think we can assume none of the members of the Hephaestus crew brought a harpoon up with them. For whatever reason, someone at Goddard Futuristics must have decided to put a harpoon in that armory. Like most things in the crew's lives, the harpoon is owned by Goddard Futuristics. So the way Minkowski uses the harpoon could be seen as an instance of reclaiming something from Goddard and their control over her surroundings (in a similar way to how her crew are able to utilise the maze-like structure of the Hephaestus to their advantage when hiding first from the SI-5 and later from Cutter and the crew of the Sol).

Other mentions of the harpoon

The harpoon doesn't actually make another physical appearance until the finale, when it truly comes into its own. But there are a couple of little hints before then that it has become a part of Minkowski's brand amongst the other characters as well as to the listeners. These mentions remind the listener about the harpoon, so we don't forget about it before its big comeback in the finale.

Ep27 Knock, Knock

EIFFEL [to Minkowski] Like getting rid of all the weapons, for a start. We should gather up all the guns, the tactical knives, your harpoon. Put it all in the arms locker, seal that sucker up, and put the key in one of Hera's service canisters.

In this quote, Eiffel refers to it as "your harpoon" - the only weapon he ascribes ownership to here. He sees it as something she's laid claim to. He also thinks the harpoon is worth mentioning specifically, which suggests that he thinks that Minkowski would reach for it first if she was feeling particularly violent. This reinforces the idea that the harpoon has become a symbol of Minkowski's character. This connection is also strengthened by the fact that the harpoon is also never mentioned in relation to anyone other than Minkowski using it.

Ep45 Desperate Measures

LOVELACE [to Kepler] Yeah, right. Nobody knows this station like Alexander Hilbert. He knows every nook, cranny, hidden room - everything. And as back up he's got the only woman's who's ever turned outer space monster hunting into a recreational sport. You'll never see them coming... until all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face, and you end up on the operating table of the finest medical sadist that Goddard Futuristics ever produced.

Lovelace mentions the harpoon and specifically refers to Minkowski's plant-hunting exploits, even though she didn't witness them. So we know that someone has told her that story. And what she's taken away from hearing the story is an emphasis on Minkowski's harpoon and an admiration for her determination. I don't think Minkowski was the one to tell Lovelace about her plant-monster-hunting mission, because I don't think she's necessarily proud of it. I suspect it was Eiffel who told her - he's the most natural storyteller of the group. In Mutually Assured Destruction, soon after meeting Lovelace for the first time, he says "Nobody's told you about the Plant Monster yet? So, funny story..." And I believe  Eiffel would have told the story of Minkowski's plant monster hunt in a way that conveyed both the ridiculousness of her behaviour but also a kind of awe at her boldness and persistence.

The tone of "all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face" is pretty similar to "That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon". Once again, the harpoon is portrayed as something that the Hephaestus crew's adversary won't expect, something that will play a key role in that adversary's defeat. You might almost think something was being foreshadowed here…

Characterisation through Weaponry

When we think of the harpoon as a symbol of Minkowski as a character, it seems worth drawing a comparison with the only other Wolf 359 character who I think has a form of weaponry as a big part of their brand: Jacobi and his explosives. While a harpoon certainly has a lot of potential for violence (a potential which Minkowski utilises), it is targeted and intentional in a way that bombs don't tend to be. It's harder to have collateral damage with a harpoon, and I think that reflects a difference between Minkowski and Jacobi's approach to conflict.

A harpoon isn't really designed for combat - it's for hunting whales and other marine animals. It feels significant that Minkowski's key weapon of choice - the one she threatens the plant monster with and kills Cutter with - isn't the weapon of a soldier. She took an assault rifle with her to hunt the plant monster, but that wasn't the weapon she held onto. She's not a natural soldier, even if she'd sometimes like to think she is. 

Maxwell's Death

When Minkowski kills Maxwell, it's with a gun, not a harpoon. She's trying to be a soldier there. She's trying to do what she has to. I don't know much about how a harpoon is fired, but I've a feeling that there's less uncertainty about whether a harpoon was fired deliberately than a gun; the ambiguity around Minkowski's agency in Maxwell's death is a key part of the story that wouldn't work with a harpoon. But perhaps more importantly, I don't think there's meant to be a sense of victory or relief in Maxwell's death, unlike Cutter's. The harpoon - as a weapon that has become strongly identified with Minkowski as a character - is saved for moments when Minkowski is asserting her power in an active way that she isn't conflicted about. 

Ep61 Brave New World

About a third of the way into the finale, there's another indirect mention of the harpoon:

RACHEL Y-yes, sir… Umm, we also picked up some chatter on their weaponry supplies… Firearms, explosives, something about a harpoon…

This is a nice little reference which reminds the listener of the harpoon in anticipation of its big moment later on in this episode, while once again playing with its incongruity in a list of more typical combat weapons. Given that Minkowski and co. have guessed that they are being listened in on here, their choice to talk about the harpoon might be seen as their way of having a bit of fun, or it might be seen as their way to imply the same threat that Minkowski made to the plant monster. Cutter had warning, but he didn't heed it.

Which brings us, of course, to the harpoon's most significant moment:

Cutter frowns. Then he hears it: CLA-CLUNK! His eyes widen.  MINKOWSKI Let's see you catch this.  FWUUUMP! An ENORMOUS THING IS SHOT. A moment later, Cutter COLLIDES AGAINST THE WALL, IMPALED.  MR. CUTTER ... a... harpoon? That's not... how this is... supposed... to... He struggles for a few more moments...and then he stops.

This scene is a classic instance of Wolf 359 utilizing the audio medium to leave a significant element of the situation unknown to the listener until the right moment. We don't know that Minkowski is carrying the harpoon. We don't know that she's readying it as Lovelace talks. When we hear something fire, there's a moment where a listener might or might not have realised exactly what just fired. It's Cutter who delivers the glorious revelation. It gives the moment an additional burst of triumph that Cutter's final words are an expression of shock, not just that he has been defeated but at the weapon with which the killing blow was struck.

Human unpredictability 

It's not just that Minkowski kills Cutter with a harpoon; it's also that she wouldn't have been able to kill him without it. He can catch bullets after all, so Minkowski and Lovelace's guns are basically useless. Cutter thinks he's therefore invincible, but he hasn't accounted for the possibility that Minkowski might have a less conventional weapon on hand, one which fires larger projectiles that he can't catch so easily. The fact that she's carrying an unexpected weapon - a weapon that might have seemed ridiculous - is what allows her to defeat Cutter and therefore to survive. 

It's a repeated theme in Wolf 359 that the protagonists' strength is not that they are the most powerful or they behave in the most logical ways, but that they are complicated and human and unpredictable and very much themselves - all of the things that Cutter and Pryce don't want in their 'ideal humanity'. When Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon, it's a victory for human unpredictability and individual idiosyncrasies.

Making good on her promise

Thinking back to Minkowski Commanding, we can see that the threat Minkowski made to the plant monster absolutely came true with Cutter. He got complacent. He got smug. (I'd argue that smugness has always been one of his key attributes.) And he found her waiting for him, with a goddamn harpoon. The return of the harpoon for this moment suggests the defeat of Cutter is a culmination of some of the motivations and traits that Minkowski showed when hunting the plant monster, now channeled in a more suitable direction. She continued trying to get them "that much closer to going home". Her - sometimes absurd - determination provides a throughline from an episode that was mostly comedic (Minkowski Commanding) to a dramatic emotionally powerful finale. As Sarah Shachat put it in her audio commentary, Minkowski "makes good on her promise [that she makes in her harpoon speech in Minkowski Commanding]. That's why she's a hero."

It's significant that Cutter dies from an unlikely weapon that is so strongly identified with Minkowski. It makes that moment feel like truly hers (although she is of course right that she couldn't have done it without Lovelace - that's called being part of a crew). 

As the Commander, it feels apt that Minkowski is the one to kill the long-standing 'big bad'. Pryce is arguably the same level of antagonist as Cutter, but he's the one that we've been aware of since we became aware of larger sinister forces at work in this narrative. 

And if Minkowski has a personal nemesis, it's Cutter. He's the one who recruited her into the hellscape that is the Hephaestus. He played on her ambitions to get her where he wanted her. She trusted him the way she trusted the official chain of authority at the start of the mission. And that trust was extremely misplaced.

The significance of Minkowski being the one to kill Cutter is highlighted by the fact that she kills him with a weapon that only she uses, a weapon that links us back to her behaviour 40 episodes earlier. The sense of control that she was desperately seeking in Minkowski Commanding might not be completely within her grasp by the end of the finale, but she's reclaimed a piece of it by defeating the man who has been exerting control over her life for so long. And she did it with that goddamn harpoon.

[fractal-voidling]

MAGP030.2 │ Plenty More Fish

I have no words.

THERE'S NOTHING FLUFFY ABOUT MAKING ME LIKE COLIN AFTER THAT EPILOGUE YOU SADISTIC FXCKS

so 1. Alice dated a woman before, and 2. "My theory is Alice can only get off with people who are properly batshit, y’know?"

therefore Dyehard has a strong chance of being canon, fxck yeah

Colin breaking up with his ex because he turned into a crypto-bro is exactly what I expected of him

bisexual disaster king

bruh, you should see me during the outro, what the fxck is this

horror. it's pure horror.

Alexander Newall cooing into the microphone with a soft smile is triggering my fight-or-flight so hard

my shoulders are up to my ears, my abs are flexing repeatedly for some reason and I'm baring my teeth

needless to say typing was quite difficult during the outro

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

update re: I Watch Marvel Content So You Don’t Have To: they did give the teenage boy a boyfriend. i mean technically he’s had one the whole time but they gave him one on screen and not just as a number on a missed call with a single line. they got to kiss and have several scenes together. i begrudgingly enter Didn’t Fumble This into the record.

[emiko-matsui]

here's my scheme for getting you into trinyvale right. imagine tarzan but with an eating disorder and a gay brother. and then imagine loki but with zero charisma and no powers whatsoever. and then imagine katniss everdeen but an eastern european pastel goth influencer. now cram these three people into a one bedroom apartment with a robot and an alcoholic for good measure

[absolutekobold]

Hi Malevolent Tumblr I have a question:

Why do so many of you draw Arthur Lester like Cary Elwes??

[worldwright]

something something....

"This too shall pass". they lost so many guns but never the lighter.

"It's not even mine, really". not given, but found, and kept. and carried.

something something... hope is always borrowed.

[podcast-official]

listen i'm as down for kinky jupeter sex as the rest of y'all but like

hear me out

jupeter sex where they're just overwhelmingly soft with each other aand then they make each other tea and cuddle up together after because at this point they both just deserve to feel cozy and warm all the time

[blackpaintedeyes]

apparently its been two and a half hours since i woke up? the sun here has barely moved

[dailyhermitdoodles]

[428] congratulations! You're on a hidden camera show!

I've already said I love Kris and Jack, but here is another reminder:

GO WATCH KRIS AND JACK PLEASE THEY'RE SO FUNNY!

Also yes door to door is my favorite video of theirs

Also also Kris is Zed btw for those who don't know

[jessicanjpa]

I forget which episode, but @threebooksoneplot once said it would be so amazing if we could take the best Life and Death lines but give them to the regular Twilight characters.

...I wonder if anyone has done it, or is thinking about doing it? Take the very best lines from Life and Death and sneak them into the original text in a new doc? Just think how very cool it would be to be reading Twilight and come across these gems:

(Carlisle's backstory)

"The vampire told his father that he was a fool and he would pay for the damage he had caused. The preacher threw himself in front of his son to protect him...

"I often wonder about that moment. If he hadn't revealed what he loved most, would all our stories have changed?"

Edward was thoughtful for a few seconds. And then he continued. "The vampire smiled. He told the preacher, 'Go to your hell knowing this—that what you love will become all that you hate.'

"He made sure that the preacher knew what would happen to Carlisle, and then he killed the preacher very slowly while Carlisle watched, writhing in pain and horror."

(in Edward's room for the first time)

"Um... Edward?"

I didn't see his attack—it was much too fast. I couldn't even understand what was happening. For half a second I was airborne and the room rolled around me, upside down and then right side up again. I didn't feel the landing, but suddenly I was on my back on the black couch and Edward was on top of me, his knees tight against my hips, his hands planted on either side of my head so that I couldn't move, and his bared teeth just inches from my face. He made another soft sound that was halfway between a growl and a purr.

"Wow," I breathed.

"You were saying?" he asked.

"Um, that you are a very, very terrifying monster?"

He grinned. "Much better."

"And that I am so completely in love with you."

His face went soft, his eyes wide, all the walls down again.

"Bella," he whispered.

(hotel in Phoenix, Alice talking)

"Jasper was the first thing I saw. I didn't meet him in person until much later."

Something about her tone made me wonder. "How long?"

"Twenty-eight years."

"Twenty-eight...? You had to wait Twenty-eight years? But couldn't you...?"

She nodded. "I could have found him earlier. I knew where he was. But he wasn't ready for me yet. If I'd come too early, he would have killed me."

I gasped and stared at Jasper. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I looked back at Alice. She laughed.

(ballet studio)

"Wait, wait," Edward said, his head snapping up. "She deserves a choice."

His lips were at my ear. I clamped my teeth against the moaning, straining to listen.

"Bella? I won't make this decision for you. I won't take this away from you. And I'll understand, I promise, Bella. If you don't want to live like this, I won't fight you. I'll respect what you want. I know it's a horrible choice. I would give you any other option if I could. I would die if I could give your life back to you." His voice broke. "But I can't make that trade. I can't do anything—except stop the pain. If that's what you want. You don't have to be this. I can let you go—if that's what you need." It sounded like he was sobbing again. "Tell me what you want, Bella. Anything."

"You," I spit through my teeth. "Just you."

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

I groaned. The fire was reaching its fingers into my chest. "Yes," I coughed out. "Just—let me stay—with you."

[breelandwalker]

My previous place of work watched the entire Conjuring universe during night shift as of summer 2022. I was deeply annoyed with the Warrens when I found out the truth of their behavior.

I'm with you there. The Conjuring films, as horror movies, are WONDERFUL films and I enjoy them quite a bit. Props to James Wan and crew for all their hard work and creativity. But the second I remember that the Warrens were real people who took public and financial advantage of the Perrons for their own aggrandizement, I want to chew the leg off a table.

Also it puckers several of my orifices when grifters and con artists with a religious bent get to have a pop culture stage because Whatever Church-Related Group sees such projects as free advertising and will happily throw money at anything that tells the viewing public that ghosts and demons are Out To Get Them at every possible opportunity and that the only possible solution is An Intercessory Christian Ritual.

See: The Conjuring movies, The Amityville movies, the recent spate of big-budget exorcism-related movies, and any ghost-oriented show that mentions the Warrens or their lore, including but not limited to A Haunting (which is literally bankrolled by the Catholic Church), the Ghost Adventures franchise, Paranormal State, A Ghost Ruined My Life, etc.

So yeah, fuck the Warrens, and fuck all the other evangelical opportunists that carry on this gross tradition of scaring people through church doors and profiting from it.

That being said, let's enjoy our creepy movies for what they are but also educate ourselves about the allegedly-true stories behind those Based On True Events claims.

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Based on a 5 am conversation with @midnightellis

Reasons Why Neil is a Bad Emotional Support Malkavian:

"Neil disappears sometimes"

Assumption of final death/Kidnapping 1

Kidnapping 2

Kidnapping 3

Peacing out after finding out about Claire

Humanity 4 Neil

WYNN WYNN WYNN WYNN as she is earth melded

Secret Blood Magic

The deal with Zofiel

Torpor

Marcos

Cutting Wynn's strings (TBD)

Constant threat of Baby Bjorn necessary

Telling Johnny he could embrace his daughter

Why Neil is a Good Emotional Support Malkavian:

The Rave Conversation with Wynn

Episode 3 (the dumpster)

Marcos (maybe)